2011 Year in Review
Posted in life by Heather. Comment?
This year was one of the best and one of the worst at the same time. To be completely open, if it weren't for the best in that last sentence, I wouldn't be where I am now.
Last December at this time, I was full of hope. I had just graduated, had a job that would only be for six weeks but which held much promise for the future, and had nothing but hope.
January and February brought a mix of emotions at work. The job was teaching middle schoolers. I met some of the most amazing students and I found the age group I feel I'm best at teaching, but I struggled with maintaining the order and motivation of the ones who didn't care in the short 45 minute slots I was given with them. I know if I'm ever looking for my dream middle school, they will have block scheduling. 90 minutes every two days is way better than 45 daily.
March brought unemployment. Even retail positions wouldn't give me the time of day for an interview. I was a college graduate in a profession known for job security, but couldn't find a single interview. How many times had I heard "if there are children, there are jobs" or "with these class size amendments, they'll need you"?
The last day of March also brought a marraige proposal. Mike asked me to marry him on his parents' anniversary. My dad's first reaction was "HOLY CRAP" before he went speechless. I joked that one day later and nobody would have believed us.
The next few months were full of planning, organizing, dress fittings (don't use David's Bridal), AIM conversations, telephone calls, and so on.
They were also full of sorrow. in June, Bear went to Heaven to live with my mom two days before my birthday. Bear had been a part of my life for literally half of my life. He guided me through those rough years when 3 very important people in my life died and he was the only thing from that life that I could bring with me when I moved to live with my dad.
My ex used to tell me that I'd never make it through anything without Bear. He made it sound like he was trying to prepare me but all he was doing was putting me down. He obviously had no faith in me.
Those months after Bear left were tough. He had always been my go-to comfort and that made it hurt all the more. When I cried because he was gone, my instincts would make me look for him to hold but he wouldn't be there, which made me cry all the harder. But Mike was there to hold me.
A few weeks later my dad suggested we get another dog, that it had helped Joanna. That's when we met Oakley. I'll be honest. Those first few weeks I was bitter. I got mad at him over everything he did wrong. Shredding Bear's toys, shredding everything else, knocking everything over, eating shoes, eating Mike's new sunglasses, poking me when I wanted me time, pooping in the house, locking us out of the house, you get the point? He was the opposite of Bear and all I wanted was Bear.
July brought our wedding. It was everything I could have dreamed of and I had tons of fun with everyone that came. I have an amazing new family that reminds me so much of how my family was when I was growing up, back before my Grampa died. Every single one of them has made me feel a part of the family and I love each one so much. ( Can you tell most of them read this blog? :) )
July also brought almost 250 job applications as jobs for the new school year were posted. I applied for anything and everything K-8 in the surroundidng five counties. This brought 5-10 interviews and no offers. I know I'm not the best at interviews. Hey, I was that shy bookworm in school. So far interviewers haven't been able to accept the fact that I come out of my shell in the classroom. That is where I'm most me and I just need to find a school that will believe that.
Those applications and interviews have been continuing til this day and will continue into the new year.
August came with a dose of reality. With everything settled, I had no choice but to see where I was. Unemployed for six months, no real prospects, sporadic subbing jobs that were more kid wrangling than teaching. Depression. Unhappiness.
Oak helped with tons of that unhappiness, with his own little ways of breaking my shell. Letting me cuddle him in the mornings before I climb out of bed, kissing my nose, cracking my lethargy with constant games of tug-of-war and fetch, his cute smile where he opens his mouth, lets his tongue hang out, and cocks his head to the side. I can't help make the face back at him and you can't not be happy while making that face.
With the lack of money coming in, World of Warcraft has been one of my few allowances in entertainment. I spend a lot of time with my Azeroth friends. August also brought much betrayal there. On top of all the pain unemployment and loss of Bear were dealing me, I lost pretty much every single friend I spent my days with.
The rest of the fall brought acceptance and resignation. Lots of Netflix, a few attempts at finding new WoW friends, and continued job applications with no real faith in any of it.
I'd just like to stop here and say that Dario and Trisha have been some of the best unexpected friends in that category. They were always friends that I knew I had but never really expected anything of. But they commented on all of my rantings on Facebook, gave me pep talks I didn't even really want, and sent me messages to my inbox telling me how awesome I am and how much I deserve a teaching job. I am forever grateful. I hope I can one day be half the friend to them that they have been to me.
November brought more motivation to write, as NaNoWriMo always does. I never win, because I can't accept their writing strategy not to edit (I can't help but edit!) but I usually get more done during this month than any other. (Grats to Trisha for winning this year!) Wildflower went from 2 chapters to 5, which doesn't sound like much now but I have more written and not posted and a planned outline for the rest of the story. Songs of Honor was born, none of which has been posted here. Violet was also reborn (it's been ruminating since I was 15, after all) and put away.
I think that Violet will be my biggest endeavor with writing a worthwhile story. That's why it has been ruminating since I was 15 and that's why I put it away after Chapter 1. It needs way more planning and thinking and research than anything I usually write. That's the only way to do it justice. I promise you, one day it'll be here and it'll be worth the wait.
Over these few months, I met a few good WoW friends (Julia at the forefront) and we server transferred the guild and our characters to the server Whisperwind. It is much friendlier here and I'm very happy with the change. So, I'm Ember on Whisperwind now. (Free guild name change with the transfer changed us to Cinder and Ash–much better, no?)
And Christmas brought a reboot. I always used to say that going back home to where I grew up would reboot me from all the stress of life but this time my reboot came from Georgia and our few days with his family. This time my acceptance is not resignation, it's hope.
I actually care again, which leads to goals and purpose. Stay tuned; I'll post all of that in a few days.
Oak is thankful for his toy
Posted in family by Heather. Comment?
Yesterday my dad and stepmom gave Oak one of Rocky's toys he doesn't use anymore. (Speaking of which, yesterday wasn't just Thanksgiving it was also Rocky's 13th birthday!)
"Oh, you want my toy? No way, Jose!"
Oak bringing the ball back after I won tug-of-war and threw it for him.
Let me tell you, Oak is in love with this toy. He even brought it to bed with him last night.